Grief, bereavement and life after loss

“Sometimes, the only way to get through grief is to live through it. Grief has its own timetable, and we must honour it.”

Grief is the intense sorrow, sadness, and emotional suffering that occurs after the loss of someone or something important, such as a loved one, a pet, or a major life change. It is a natural and individual process that can involve a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief. Grief can affect both the mind and body, manifesting in physical symptoms such as fatigue, sleep disturbances, and changes in appetite.

Bereavement is the period of mourning and adjustment following the death of someone close. It encompasses the emotional, social, and psychological responses to the loss. While grief is the emotional experience of loss, bereavement refers to the overall process of dealing with the loss and its impact on one’s life. People may experience a range of emotions over weeks, months, or even years, and the grieving process can vary greatly from person to person. Grief is that emotional state that just knocks you off your feet and comes over you like a wave. And it has a time component to it. As we grieve, we adapt to the fact that our loved one is gone, we carry the absence of them with us. And the reason that this distinction makes sense is, grief is a natural response to loss, so we’ll feel grief forever. But over time that feeling can change, so we can adapt to acknowledge the grief, without feeling overwhelmed.

Both grief and bereavement are deeply personal, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience them. Support, time, and self-care are important aspects of navigating this difficult journey.

Is it normal to feel a wide range of emotions after a loss?

Yes, it is completely normal. Grief can bring feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief at times. Everyone grieves differently, and emotions can shift rapidly, which is a part of the healing process.

How long can grief last?

Grief is unique to each person, and there is no set timeline. While some may begin to feel better after a few months, others may grieve for longer. One key aspect of bereavement is to allow yourself the time you need, not to rush the process or suppress it. Unlike a physical symptom, grief is not something that can be seen, and it can be difficult to express to others. If the grief feels overwhelming or persistent for an extended time, it may help to seek support with your GP or a grief counsellor.

Can grief affect my physical health?

Yes, it can have physical effects on your body. It’s common to experience insomnia, fatigue, appetite changes, headaches, and muscle tension to name but a few symptoms. Your immune system may also be affected, making you more susceptible to illness. Taking care of your physical health during grief is important, such as maintaining a routine, eating well, and getting rest.

When should I consider seeking professional help?

If you find that your grief is interfering with your daily functioning or lasting longer than expected, it may be helpful to seek support from a GP, counsellor or psychologist. Signs that professional help might be needed include feeling trapped in your grief, experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, or feeling disconnected from your usual support system.

Can grief lead to depression or anxiety?

In some cases, yes. It’s common to experience intense sadness, and at times, that can develop into feelings of hopelessness or anxiousness about the future. If these feelings persist and affect your ability to function, it may be helpful to talk to your GP or a mental health professional for guidance and support.

How can I take care of my mental health while grieving?

It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve and acknowledge your emotions. Taking care of your mental health involves being patient with yourself, expressing your feelings, and leaning on supportive people in your life. Finding outlets for relaxation, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, exercise, or journaling; these can all help. In addition, finding support groups or retreats that focus on nurturing your mind and body, can allow you time away from the usual fast pace of life. If you feel stuck, therapy can provide a safe space to process your grief.

Is it okay to experience “good” moments during grief?

Yes, and even normal to experience moments of joy, laughter, or peace, even while grieving. It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your loved one or not grieving properly. Grief doesn’t have to be all-consuming, and it’s natural for your emotions to fluctuate.

Should I be concerned if I have trouble concentrating or remembering things?

Difficulty concentrating or memory problems can be common during grief. This is often due to stress, exhaustion, and a sense of being emotionally overwhelmed. It is key to be gentle with yourself during this time. However, if these symptoms persist or interfere significantly with daily life, it may be worth discussing further with your GP.

How can I talk to my loved ones about my grief?

It can be difficult to talk about grief, however it is recommended to share your feelings with friends or family members, as this can be an important part of healing. You might find it helpful to express your needs clearly, whether you want someone to listen, offer support, or simply be present with you. You don’t have to have all the answers, and it’s never a bad thing to ask for help when you need it.

How do I know if I’m grieving “too much”?

Grief is highly individual, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. No two experiences are the same, even for one individual. However, if your grief is affecting your ability to function in everyday life, or if it leads to feelings of extreme hopelessness or despair, it might be a sign that you need additional support. If your grief doesn’t seem to improve over time or worsens, we recommend seeking tools to help you through this period. These include speaking with your GP, grief counselling, books on grief and support groups.

Balancing grief with everyday responsibilities can be challenging. It may help to prioritise tasks and take things one step at a time. Don’t hesitate to ask for help with chores or work if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Some people find taking some time out from work is beneficial to their healing, while others welcome the distraction of work.

Can grief affect my relationships?

Yes, grief can put a strain on relationships, as everyone grieves differently. It can lead to misunderstandings or feelings of isolation. It’s important to communicate with loved ones about your needs and to be patient with each other during this time. Seeking professional guidance, either individually or as a couple, can help if there are significant challenges in relationships.

Will I ever feel “normal” again?

It’s normal to wonder if things will ever feel “normal” again after a loss. Over time, many people find that they adjust to their new reality, but they may never feel the same as they did before the loss. The pain of grief often becomes more manageable, and you may find new ways to live a fulfilling life, though the loss will always be part of you.

How can I honour my loved one while still taking care of myself?

Honouring your loved one can be a meaningful part of healing. You might want to engage in activities that remind you of them, such as creating a memorial, keeping a journal, or doing something they loved. However, it’s also important to focus on self-care. Make sure you’re taking breaks when needed, seeking support, and allowing yourself time to heal.

It is recommended to come speak to your GP after the loss of someone you cared for. We can help you through this process and guide you through support networks or recommend grief counsellors. In addition, if you notice you are experiencing an emotional toll or physical symptoms such as struggling with sleep, we can help with this too.

— A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

References

• It’s OK that you’re not OK, Megan Devine
• This too shall pass, Julia Samuel
• The grieving brain, Mary-Frances O’Connor
• How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal, Berly McCoy